ship’s computer crashes due to virus acquired during a porn download from a lower decks ensign
firmware update was pushed out to the fleet, has vital error in the clock program that causes every computer to repeat 2300. translators have to explain to the enemy why everyone is an hour late to peace talks.
unintelligble message is sent out into the void because someone’s pet cat walked across their keyboard. message is interpreted as a marriage proposal.
universal translators break, everyone is reduced to hand gestures
viewscreen has dead pixels in the upper left corner, drives the captain a bit bonkers
space gps tells us to take a right where we should take a left. plucky recent academy grad on the graveyard shift realizes that this would take us into the sun and makes the course correction. ship’s computer advises her for two hours to make a u-turn when it is safe to do so
"Makeup should enhance your natural beauty, not obscure it. Use subtle highlights to accent the ravenous hunger in your eyes and bring out the extraordinary size of your submandibular venom glands."
"Your daily positive affirmation: today I am thankful for being alive and blessed with rows upon rows of teeth that shear right through muscle and bone."
"Conceal your dark circles. Conceal your bright chevrons and your dusky stripes. The humans must not suspect what you are."
"New research shows that ideal femininity encompasses a lamia’s beauty, a cyclops’ strength, a hydra’s deadliness, a Fury’s heartlessness, a harpy’s swiftness, and a sphinx’s love of feasting on less intelligent creatures. Be a chimera that cannot be contained!"
"Aim to be described as "inexplicably eerie," "unsettlingly off," and "I’m not sure what she looks like, I could never keep my eyes on her face long enough to see."
”—If you are not aware of the “Beauty by H.P. Lovecraft” Facebook page, you are missing the time of your life.
“"Women are the niggers of gender," the email said. "If you killed yourself, I wouldn’t even fuck the corpse."
I blinked at my phone, fighting simultaneous urges to hurl my phone across the room in anger and cry. Later that day, someone texted me my address — telling me they’d “See me when I least expected it.”
I haven’t been out to my car at night by myself since January 2nd.
My name is Brianna Wu. I lead a development studio that makes games. Sometimes, I write about issues in the games industry that relate to the equality of women. My reward is that I regularly have men threatening to rape and commit acts of violence against me.”—